Art of Language

Language fascinates me. All through grade school and on into high school, most of my English classes were based on grammar and spelling. I had one year of Literature and had to write five book reports every year; other than that, it was all grammar. True, my impeccable grammar is not what it once was but I’ll be honest, it stems from laziness. As far as foreign language goes, I took one year of Spanish in grade 11. I do not know if I have mentioned this yet or not but I was homeschooled from ‘kindergarten’ through to high school graduation. I say ‘kindergarten’ because it was mostly composed of the grade 2 work my brother was doing so it was not the typical kindergarten experience. This is how I justify telling people that I never learned how to share since I did not go to kindergarten.

For as long as I can remember, I have loved the Spanish language. If I could pick one language to actually learn, it would be Spanish. Now maybe it is because so many of my Canadian friends were learning French and hating every second of it. Possibly it is because I just wanted to be different. Potentially it is because I think it sounds really sexy and the Spanish culture seems so much more warm and open compared to the French culture. Plus I tried to learn Russian by myself and that went horribly wrong. All that to say, Spanish is the language that I know the most about other than my native Canadian English.

The English language is ridiculous. It is full of idioms and slang to the point where if you actually listen to the words people say instead of assuming you think you know what they are trying to say, the English language is ridiculous. Yes, I know I said it twice but that’s how strongly I believe it. Let’s just look at some of the North American idioms. According to Wikipedia (simply because it is the first option to come up on my Google search), “An idiom is a combination of words that has a figurative meaning, due to its common usage…there are estimated to be at least 25,000 idiomatic expressions in the English language” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiom). Are you kidding me? How is someone suppose to learn English as a second language? No wonder people say it is easiest to learn a language when you are immersed in it, but how are you suppose to understand what people are saying?

Matt and I lived in Bogota, Colombia for 6 months. We were teaching PE at an international Christian school. A long story short (idiom), I got pregnant and really sick so we came home after six months instead of staying for the whole two years like we had planned. (Oh how the Lord works in mysterious ways). One of the other teachers at the school had an idiom of the day. I’m sure I had heard the term idiom somewhere before but I guess it did not sink in. Our experience in Bogota taught me a lot of things, which I’m sure I will bring up some other time. Now I have more compassion and grace for those who are English Language Learners (ELLs). I know how challenging it is to live in a country where you only know a limited amount of the language. I look at the English language differently too. I choose my words carefully when speaking with ELLs. I try and use fewer idioms. There, we have come full circle and I can move on with my rant on idioms.

I came across this series of videos from a German man living on the East Coast of the USA and he talks about idioms. I have watched a few of his videos and some of them have inappropriate language so view with caution. This one is called “Jennifer is a Party Pooper” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjwofYhUJEM&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL48258D69C3DD1228) My favourite line is “Jennifer poops at parties…I poop at parties but peoples don’t knows because I close the door.”

Here’s a list of some of my favourite English idioms:

Party pooper (do you poop at parties?)

Whatever floats your boat (we don’t all have boats…doesn’t water float all boats…who has a boat floating in something other than water?)

Shut the front door (what does the position of the front door have to do with your personal reaction to the situation?)

Are you pulling my leg? (wouldn't you know if someone was grabbing on to your leg and tugging on it?)

Oh that’s a piece of cake (I’m sorry, I just asked you if you could teach me long division but if you’d rather go to the bakery… I’m okay with that)

That new car must have cost an arm and a leg (they made you pay with body parts? What’s just a toe worth?)

I’d bend over backwards for you (um… no thanks. I like my friends right side up)

My kids drive me up the wall (I’m not getting in a car with a kid who doesn’t know that cars are to be driven outside on the road, not in the house on the walls. How would a car even fit on the wall? What most houses have 8 or 9 foot ceilings. That car isn’t going very far so maybe it wouldn’t be a bad ride, kind of short and not really worth the gas money.)

Finding your feet (How do you misplace your feet?)

Hold your horses (What happens if I let go of my horses? Are they going to run away? Why are you trying to scare my horses? Wait, what are horses doing in the middle of the city?)

Icing on the cake (Where else would the icing go? Cake without icing is like a really poorly made brownie)

In the bag (What’s in the bag? Why would it be put into a bag? How does that help? Is it like a Mary Poppin’s bag that can hold a million things? I doubt it)

Know the ropes (Which ropes? Rock climbing ropes? Roping cattle? Jump rope?)

Let the cat our of the bag (Who put the cat in the bag? Is this what you were trying to tell me about earlier when you said you had it in the bag? A cat? Really? I’m allergic)

Like a chicken with its head cut off (What does a chicken actually do once its has been decapitated? Only a few people have actually seen a chicken without a head. How is this common?)

On pins and needles (Again, painful. Why can’t it be on fluffy clouds with rainbows and sunshine?)

Over my dead body (really? Are you really going to die right now and make us stick around to do something on top of your decaying flesh… a tad dramatic don’t you think?)

Put a sock in it (where exactly does the sock go?)

Its raining cars and dogs (Wait, are you telling me that animals are falling from the sky? What does one do? Does the size of the animals depend on how heavily it rains? Oh its not too bad outside today, just raining toy poodles and baby kittens or if it's a big downpour of rain would it be better to say “wow, it’s coming down like great danes out there”)

You are the spitting image of your father (sounds messy)

To steal someone’s thunder (Wait, so what you’re saying is one can actually own thunder. Where does one acquire thunder in the first place? Does that mean you can buy lightening too?)

Hold the phone (Are you actually holding a phone and wanting someone else to take it off your hands? How will that help the situation?)

You are what you eat (So what I am hearing you say is that I am really a collection of animal 

bi-products processed into a casing housed in a gluten filled fluffy dough ball topped with a variety of colourful squashed up vegetables? Well hot dog! Oh… there’s another one!)

Ants in your pants (What? You’re wearing pants that are filled with ants? Why?)

All of my blood, sweat and tears went in to that proposal (ew, gross! I wouldn’t accept that proposal either!)

Do you know how challenging it is to describe these without using another idiom? I’m sure I did without even thinking about it. I was aware of a few slipups and changed them but man alive that was hard (see I did it again). If I was trying to learn English, I would be so lost and frustrated. It seems like the language one learns in the classroom is completely different than the one English speakers actually use on a daily basis. What is wrong with us? On a more serious note, just listen to the words people say not the culturally accepted turn of phrase but the actual words. It is quite fascinating.

Be joy-filled!